To Generation Y : Observe, Before You Marry

When my mother was 26, she was married to my father who was a year older than her. He was her senior and they met at a tennis court. It was a typical boy-meet-girl story. They have been married for 26 years by now.

Today, I am 25 years old. By now I should have a serious boyfriend and be married next year, THAT IS IF I want to follow the footsteps of my mother. But there's a bigger chance that I won't, because I am still single.

In a much cultured society, being single means nothing. It is just who you are and there shouldn't be anything to be sad about. You can go out, get the career and further education that you want. In a much preserved society that I live in, single is seen to be depressing. Somehow, it becomes clear to me that some people's ultimate goal in life is a marriage. That's it.

Somehow, marriage in Indonesian culture is a pride, it is a business. If you go to an Indonesian wedding, you can observe the luxuriousness of the event. Family will pay hundreds of millions and billions of Rupiahs for only buffet and venue rental. It is ridiculous.

Now, compare it to the Western/European style wedding. Groom and Bride exchange vows in a church and then they would held a reception in their house or at a quaint hall. It is intimate.

Now, don't mistake my writing as a bitter expression of someone who's single and unmarried. That's not the case. I am just concerned about how parents shape the mind of the children to accelerate things in life, that includes career and marriage. They believe marriage can secure their children's future, especially their daughters. Just marry the girl to a stable man, she'll be fine.

"You Can't Hurry Love." that's what The Supreme once sang.

Trust me. Even though, I have lived only a quarter of a century and single, it doesn't mean I know nothing about family and marriage problems. Now, that I am considered an adult, I have to come in between my parents when they argue.

Sometimes I am standing in a position whereby I am my parent's second spouse. It simply means that I have to brave the frustrations some vital arguments. Sometimes I feel like I am responsible for to sustain the strength of this family, at other times, it leads me more to exhaustion.

Now, I am not writing this to shame my parents. Even though I am extremely upset when they fight, I applaud their marriage journey for 26 years. Despite of the problems they have, they don't give up easily.

So Generation Y, or millennials. Observe. What happens in your family? 

Some of you may be lucky to have father and mother figures. The closest people around me, that include my close extended families and friends, they are raised in a different household, sometimes without a mother/father. Some are born into a typical family, but they are faced with problems too.

It may seem unfortunate, but it is not about telling if one family is better than the other.  Just like gender, Family has diversity too.

In the beginning of writing this post, I am wordless. I don't know what this post will sound except of like being an angry monologue. But now, it comes to a conclusion that I want to tell you to please consider and think it through before you marry someone.

Some of you will have a decision to have children and it means that you are going to be parents. Whatever you do, you'll give some values to your children without a doubt, by words and actions.

I hope you don't marry because your parents rush you to. I hope you don't marry for money, social status or other politics or interest other than your personal confidence/judgement. I hope you don't marry because you feel desperate and lonely.

I am not telling you not to marry. If you think that marriage is the solution to all the problems you have, you can still marry. However, marriage doesn't dissolve your problems easily. It is still possible for those problems to catch up again with you and you don't want your children to pay the price.

Because no matter, how old they are. Children and children. They deserve a life of their own. 


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