Reflections before turning 25
|fuck, I have lived a quarter of century!|
I am turning 25 this coming April. This is crazy. I look forward to more days I am older and now I am reaching 25.
My friends said that the age 25 is the year people will experience some turning points in their life. I agree.
From the age 20 to 24, I am so used to being single and independent. I have never asked my parents for financial support, nevertheless, they still give some to me. Yet, I still think I have a giant ball of problems in my life. I let myself feel depressed when there is nothing to worry about. Maybe it tells how ambitious and hard I am to myself.
The truth is, I used to have a cushion when I to fall and make mistakes.
But now approaching 25, I realize I am that cushion.
There is no room of making anymore mistakes.
Yes, I do want to travel and make arts. I will continue doing that, except I realize that I have people who depend on me.
It is so upsetting, knowing that friends of my ages, they look so carefree. If they are earning money, it is for them to save up. If they are travelling or shopping luxuriously, I bet it is their parents' money or sugardaddy's or their husband's... (I know I shouldn't be cynical but I couldn't help it.)
Anyway, they look like as if they are living their lives to the fullest because they only care about what matter to them.
For me? Not anymore. My privilege of being tolerated and being the spoiled kid is running out.
I don't know whether to love or hate it, or if it is too soon, late or is it just the right time to face this...
However, I can see myself changing. I have to admit, I used to have the spoiled child mentality. I admit, in my early adulthood when I had to just begin working. Everything felt like a constant juggle. Every problem looked like a giant snowball.
Still, the snow ball is just keep getting bigger, it doesn't get any smaller.
But somehow I feel that I am getting bigger too. So problem and I, we are even.
In a way, I am proud of myself amidst this messed-up quarter-life crisis.
... and I thanked God for giving me an alarm that Tigress should be out when I was 24 and had less responsibility. Everything really comes in the right time.
I know this setback is both annoying and challenging, but I have never been so dead and alive at the same time.
Here is to April 24, 2017!