30-day blog challenge : Day 5

Have I thought about ending my life? If I said I haven't, then I would be lying. Yes, I have several times. I know it is depressing, but I think everybody can hit depression in certain level of their lives. 

For me, it is always the time when I am unemployed and have absolutely nothing to do. It is a hard time because you become unmotivated and you look around, everybody around your age seems like having the perfect life. Either they are in a good happy relationship or stepping up the career ladder. While, you are beaten down at the bottom and turning more and more bitter everyday. 

It is really hard to get up. It feels like the universe is against you.

I may have some suicidal thoughts, but I have never been trying to kill myself. The farthest I have been is murmuring the words, "Oh, I wish I can just die right now. Please." and that is when everything feels unbearable, it feels like your existence is just a burden and you cannot really move forward, so might as well... just die. Why wait til you get old?

I have few friends who have been open enough about their self-abuse story and that is something that I cannot comprehend. Why would you want to abuse yourself?

Those stories drive me to be someone better. I truly believe that life is a gift and the struggles I am facing today might be nothing compared to what my parents have been through or the closest people around me.

I learn everyday to be wiser and to be calm. I don't always follow what my heart desire. Today, I may just accept whatever happens but tomorrow will be a better day, we can always try again.

I don't agree with the concept of suicide and self-abuse. It is just a cry for help. 

If you need a help, get real help. Don't just cry about it.


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