The over-complication/over-simplification of LOVE
Amidst the music that is playing from my chosen Spotify playlist--titled, 'Bicara Cinta'--I will write about a response to an article from together.guide that talks about a polyamorous view in a relationship.
What is a polyamorous relationship? Polyamorous is having more than one romantic partner in a relationship. It is an opposite practice from the type of relationship that has been invested in us, monogamy.
Here, I am writing not to judge any type of relationship practice. Because you wouldn't know until you feel that way, or you were actually involved in that without your knowledge (that's me!)
I was having dinner with a good friend and we went on talking about both of our relationship problems. I recently had a shocking revelation that, I happened to be involved in a polyamorous relationship without my knowledge.
It was two years ago. Three months. The guy I was with (whose position cannot be validated, we were not dating exclusively, we were just hanging out) claimed himself to be a 30 yo who lived with his mother and sister, when in fact, he was married with children.
Regardless there are people in my life who are consciously involved with polyamorous relationships, I have my own value. I will stay faithful and monogamous. So, yes it is hard for me to appreciate a polyamorous behaviour, but I am not hating. I am trying to understand the drive behind the behaviour.
So, knowing the shocking revelation, I can now say that I know the taste of betrayal.
It is an ugly feeling anyway.
Not because, I wanted him so badly. It was a silly fling that I, myself, could not image having.
But it was hurt to know that I was hurting somebody else, a woman, a mother... without my knowledge.
I live around friends who are polyamorous too. I accept them as a person even though cannot understand and accept their decisions, not yet.
Call me hopeless romantic. Call me Amy Adams in Enchanted, a fairy-tale princess who would cry
if she hears the "D" word. I believe in true love and happily-ever after.
My father and my mother are my role-models, they have been married for 25 years. Yes, I saw them having an ugly fight. Some fights were quite bad, but they reconciled anyway.
I learned from them, both their goodness and mistakes.
I want to have what they have. Maybe, even better than that.
And as a woman who has never been in a relationship, (Yes, I have never been in a relationship but that does not limit me from having romantic experience) I know I have plenty of chances to have a really good start.
For me polyamorous relationship is just over-complication of love.
Yes, it is natural. It is natural to be attracted to your opposite sex, or same sex. We are human and we have our biological needs and it cannot be shackled by marriage. You can still be tempted even though you are in a committed relationship. That, I agree.
But that's so human, isn't it?
We always want more. We always want better. We just can never be content of what we are having.
Desire. Temptation. This is why Lust is one of the 7 sins we often talk about.
The reason of biological needs, attractions and desire might be the over-simplification or just an excuse.
Moreover, the together.guide article is concluded with...
"If I had the power to reach into culture and rearrange what and how people learn about relationships, I would be encouraging polyamory as the norm, and monogamy as the advanced, only meant for the most experienced....
Monogamy should be reserved for the experts."
Why do we need to over-complicate love with this term?
We are no experts of love. But yes, we need to enjoy love and relationship that are healthy for us.
I am not saying polyamorous relationship won't work. There are open relationships. Polyamorous might work though, if both partners agree and be transparent about the nature of their relationship and are conscious about their decisions.
I guess everybody has their own way to view what healthy relationship should be. For me, it has always been monogamous. I am old-fashion and I am staying this way. Sometimes, there are things in life needs to be enjoyed exclusively and it is gotta be one.
I believe love is a gift of life. It saddens me to see people throw their gift and chances with cheating or looking the other way without his/her partner knowing.
I know I cannot be polyamorous because, I have my insecurities.
While, a polyamory person might say "a monogamous relationship should be reserved for expert because it requires a high commitment" I see that a polyamorous relationship requires a great work, because you need to satisfy emotional and physical needs of your two partners and I don't think I am a cut for that.
... and I guess, having two life partners is not my ambition.
I am just thankful if I can find the one person who cares for me and crazy about me. I am all about simplicity. Back to basic, but not all is gonna be vanilla for me.