Liberation and Reflection
|artwork by Maria Belen at weheartit.com|
Last year, I was such a mess. Fundamentally, emotionally and mentally... a giant blunder of emotions in one. I left the city which I hold dearly in my heart, I left my friends, basically I left my life to build a new one in my home, which did not feel like a home. It did not start really great. I do not want to go through it all over again, but I am proud of myself today. But anyway, I believe life keeps on turning. The lesson I have learned is to continue doing and never stop.
I feel like holding the 22-year-old me tightly and tells everything will be alright by next year. There are new city awaits, new found friends, new love... but in order to be there, I guess you need to be lost first.
I did not know what would happen if I did not take my chances and lower my ego. Probably, I will rot in my hometown or taking some masters degree which I do not really desire. There were so much happening last year til now, rejections for scholarship, getting my heart broken, being spiritually lost and confused... and strange yet awesome things happen, like scoring a job in a big advertising agency and be an IELTS tutor (only to find out my IELTS score degraded from the last 2 years). I really believe I need to wreck myself before build a new 'me' and really knows where I stand.
Though I have not had all the answers for my life problem, but if anyone ask me why would not I stay back in Malaysia or overseas, or why'd you choose career as a copywriter instead of chasing a high-ranking, stable, corporate level career, or any of my personal decision--I have the answer. And I have grown over the fear of being misunderstood. I mean so what?
I have realized I have not given myself a break from all of those inner voices. I have been telling myself that I am not good enough and I have to be somewhere else far and new. But hey, I guess everything takes time. I tell myself over and over, that I need to have the persistence. Turn every complaints into laugh, and just shake it off. It is true, all we need to do is attain the will and start to imagine. Keep doing. I believe the seed you sow from yesterday is the fruit you are going to harvest.
And I cannot thank my support system enough, these are my family, my best friends : Ayu and Lisa, and my #TeamPercolate who are like family to me. It is nice to find a group where you can belong. Honestly, I feel like I have never been in the right place. I have been trying to fit in so hard, high School, College... but never have I met group of people who know you better like today.