Advice You Need for Overcoming Heartbreak
|Look at this ocean, so calm....|
This is to all sisters who feel the same way as I do
We do not know each other, but just to let you know
We have got each other's backs
I am easy, it does not mean anything promiscuous, but as long as I have someone who is always answering my needy text, cracking up jokes, exchange intellectual talk or shared interests, be my confidant then I am done, I have found my home. I am comfortable. I have never been the needy kind of girl who expects roses and chocolates, wants a boy to declare his feeling to her and had him waiting for one hour because she needs to do her hair and make up for the date -- or not yet. I do not wanna assume anything, let's figure out what we might have to find as I am writing. The answer might reveal itself. Anyway, I think and still believe that I am not a girl who needs an approval. I am #GirlBoss like that!
But what I do not know that, you may spend times with a friend and you may or may not have an extension of feeling for that particular person, it can be so overwhelming. So, if you share this ideology or this moderate belief in dating/relationship/particular like me, let me tell you, this just won't do. Because there is a zone--called friendzone, a zone which guys always victimize themselves of being at.
But let me tell you what, as they criminalize women for putting them into this friendzone and mock our so-called high expectation. It is not true that women are immune to friendzone.
Because let me tell you this, the best thing ever said is "I love you", and then you add 3 words which are "--as a friend" that'll become the most disastrous thing you will ever hear of -- and I know how it feels.
The first second, oh okay... he is fine with me being so honest
The second time, a friend? A FRIEND? HOW DARE HE!
The third second, mainly passive-aggressive emotional raging... nothing is making sense.
If this happens to you -- being so close and comfortable with a guy, but what is it between you two is to him all only friendship and he values you as a friend. Everything starts not making sense at all, you are grieving and still in denial, because to you all of those feel so real. Well, I tell you what, in my case, I have never set my heart for this guy but it naturally develops for me. I did not develop any expectation in the beginning, I know that we are friends and we are comfortable. So I keep on opening myself, seeking for advices and he has been too kind.
It is horrible I know, for me personally, I feel sick, because after all those time we spent together, both of us interpret it differently. We were not in the same frequency and I feel hurt and so dumb. But that is when I know that I actually know that I have a heart and it has been broken. Oh... Okay, it is right here.
I do not know how to describe it. I felt a little bit deceived. He had me waiting, texting, asking how he is doing, trying to be a good caring friend for like a year, until he met someone new. I cannot go mad at him because he meant good. He is my friend, not some guys who try to grope my butt in the club. So, I refuse to victimize myself and criminalize him. Although, there is a part of myself which want to know, why he chooses to set a limitation on me. There is a part of me which demands that answer. What is it from me which he cannot love so dearly, we are comfortable with each other, and if he allows me of course, I will return the goodness thousand folds back.
The question had made me so conscious about my own self, at one point, I think about my body and appearance. But no... I will not shame myself for how I look. I have walked a thousand miles to be better and if THAT is the real reason why, then seriously, screw him. But let alone, I guess I will just keep the questions unanswered. Because that question will no longer be important as I have gained peace inside myself, and I choose to gain peace within me. I know if I am guessing the question with expectation, I may not find closure.
I keep asking myself, whether this is infatuation or not. Right now, I am wearing the google of everything-he-does-and-he-is-are-cool, so it is so hard really to hate him. But I long to wait the day, he appears to be just another guy with large buck teeth, strange accent, lanky... with other flaws. I am waiting for the day to happen then we can start become friends again. And I know the day will come sooner than I thought it will be.
And you too, have to think that way, girls!
How old are you? 23? Trust me I have never been in a relationship. Well, I used to count what I had with him as a close one to what I describe an 'almost-kinda-relationship' and I have felt accommodated already. I told you. I was not setting any ambitious goal in relationship but the difficult part is, I am hopeless romantic, so it is so contradictive. I'd rather focus on any other personal goal like making money or getting my masters or getting my book published. So the least and the most I want for a relationship goal is just to meet a nice decent guy and settle with him. I want no drama. I also think dates, flowers and chocolates are overrated. I value deeper connection. And I do not wanna be tied down by 23... later maybe, I still have plenty times to settle. So do you girls.
I am lucky that he is my good friend and he is open about everything. He doesn't get angry when I said I am going to chase him with a light saber, because he broke my heart, then I know it is a true friendship.
If you are overcoming the same situation, well, if you are too sad, take as much time as you want to recover. And, I hate to say this, but really, be out there. Meet a new guy and if you have some guy you like, then ask for a coffee. This is 21st century, you do not have to wait for a guy to make a new move. I do not know just embrace all of these. Somehow for me, it is unfair too for a girl to make the extra miles, and the first move. I sometimes think chivalry is dead. But that is actually the rise of all girl and feminism power. "I like him, am gonna put a ring on it." kind of attitude. Sometimes, you are gonna make it, sometimes you do not. You may fall, but what if you fly, Sweetheart?
These are salt and sweets of life. We are going to find him.
Oh, one more thing, if you love someone, make sure you save some place for yourself. Do not give in too much. Your inner peace and contentedness are more important. Be good to yourself.