Dear Child : a letter to my younger self
I was listening to Avril Lavigne's song when I was working. From one song, the I listened to the whole album, Let Go, which was released when she was still rocking her sk8r style. Funny how, I really liked her so much but it seems like I had never paid attention to her songs closely. Now, that I am 22 (going to 23 next month), I can relate to what she wrote (she was 18 when the album was released). Self-identity, getting lost and all that... It was honest and powerful. It is kind of cool. I went nostalgic. At the same time, I watched Eat my Kimchi, a dedicated Asian channel pioneered by two American hipsters, which are cool. One of them is Marina, and she was making a vlog about what would she say to her younger self. Since I am not really a vlogger, and more like a blogger, I figure that I need to write something down.
I do not know where to begin, but I figure that you might hate me because I call you a 'child'. I know how easy you are irritated for being called as such. You cannot wait to grow up. You cannot wait to be taken seriously. But just hold on, we are getting there.
I know, you like to sing to Avril Lavigne, which is cool. But I will let you know that in the next 5 years she would turn into a pop princess. You will hate her next single from next album, "Girlfriend". She will later keep producing more K-Pop inspired pop songs, (K-Pop stands for Korean Pop, and yes for professional reasons, you will be acquainted so much with Korean entertainment industry) so just brace for it.
And oh, she has broken up with Evan Taubenfield and got few romantic interests, married, then got divorced and then engaged with Chad Kroeger, another rock vocalist from band called "Nickleback" which everbody keeps laughing on over at the internet--and yes, internet has been famous for transmitting an idea that is viral, remember viral is the keyword of everything spreadable and interesting--He is 10 years her senior btw... but whatever, she is a celeb and she does not know you. So, whatever.
The point is, that 10 years from now, you will see everything much differently. It will be extremely confusing, but you are going to be thankful.
People will change. Avril sings it in her song "Complicated", which ironically, she changes herself too. You will see your friends have changed. The average ones in high school are going to shine. The queen bees in high school are about to settle for lives and get married with their potential husbands. You will learn the word, feminist, by criticizing their moves to be so dependent on their significant others. It seems not fair and intelligent, knowing that you have spent almost your life studying and at the end, deciding that you are not going to use that degree or education to be independent at least on your own. I call it spoiled, lazy... and you are going through some hard times to respect their decisions, trust me. But just try respect that and use everything as a lesson. Because you are barely making it happened as well--oops,
--there you go, I hope that I do not say things that upset you.
You see. You are lucky because you are still high school. There are teachers who will guide you to discover new knowledge and passions in life, and trust me, you will meet them in few the next few years. You are going to keep in touch with them dearly, but, some teachers will pass away :( that is the hardest part.
In school, you know what to do, which is to study after exams and exams. Until you pass the final. Get your degree. But do you know what degree is? Academic degree is a qualification you have to be employed. Since you are a good, discipline girl, you will find no trouble to finish your study. Your parents support you financially and I admire your drive, really. Some friends you know will repeat subjects over subjects, and somehow, I really applaud your hardwork and the quality. I do not know where does it come from.
Because after school or college, it is all your turn. The independence may sound liberating, but you will be faced with decision-making, choices... I guess welcome to adulthood. There is no manual here.
I am working by myself. Unattached to 9 to 6 job. Maybe you'll be surprised, because at that point you'd expected to find me in the office. Like I said, I have seen something in a different perspective, so sometimes I find that working hard is not a correct way to a success, but being persistent is. But yes, this is the word of mine you are reading so, feel free to take it or not.
Nevertheless, I want to thank you. You have been such a versatile girl with an open mind. You will see how much friends you have made in the next 10 years. You will leave your hometown and jump towns. You will forget about all the queen bees and the bullies, because you have friends that are care and share for the same passion. But you will still try to select the right people for you, because it will not only stop until high school. You just cannot change haters.
You will always have the dream of wanderlust and traveling. We have been to places and aim to visit new places. Sometimes it frustrates us that we cannot be where ever we want right now, but that is no big deal. Everything comes in the right time. We just need to work for it and always be persistent. Do not ever lose the dream.
And I do not ever think of losing my dream. Probably, because of you, who still dwells inside of me.
You, who want to stand out, be different and let everyone knows of what you feel. There comes a time that people will comment about your introvert, your quiet, your shyness... but F that really. You will begin to talk to people, care on other things besides Avril Lavigne and Linkin Park, you will be a young person with intellectual and personal style. You do not conform with make-up and dresses. Sure, you like to wear them, but not all the time. You are not going to try so hard for any men and any job. Just be you. Because above all else, you honor honesty. And surely, your contender or your match will exhibit the same quality.
... Speaking about match, we have none right now. It will seem pretty sad as everybody seems to have all the answers. They find their matches and get married. Trust me, some of your friends are on the way to have babies, some have given birth, some are working towards a marriage. It fees like you want 'one' right now.
But it is not about 'one', 'two' or 'three'. It is about the one, and I know we both do not bother about that. We grow up awkwardly. We think dating is stupid, because if you need to go to movies you can just drag your nearest friend or just go alone.
But then, I know why dating is important honey. We get to know people. And, 10 years from now, you will get to know different people. It is an exciting journey.
And please, never consider about your body, weight etc. It has no relation with your datability (is that even a word)
You have to trust me on this! You will hear this from some girlfriends who say, "No... it does not have to do with your body. You are sweet, definitely dateable." and your brothers too... both advices sound condescending as F, but hear me... boys, will have an obsession to spank your ass, fondle your breasts and bite your lip no matter how heavy you are. Beside, some boys like to have something to hold. Quoting from a line from the movie Eat, Pray, Love : "who cares?! If a man is in a room with a naked girl, he wins the jackpot!" So please, never go hard on yourself.
Besides, your brother thinks what important from a girl is inner-beauty and self-confidence. He used to have a chubby highschool mate, but she is talented and outspoken (she can make sushi). It makes her looks so attractive. So trust him on that.
Later this statement will be seconded by a filmmaker from New York named Lena Dunham and a breakthrough singer named Meaghan Trainor. They are both awesome, you will love them.
But yes, you still need exercise because, you need it! You want to be healthy all time. There are many opportunities ahead of you, and you are not going to ruin it by being sick or being an perfectionist at couch potato.org. I mean show your body a respect by exercise. And I know you will... you will even sign up for gym membership... and not continuing (haha)
I am still struggling for that part too, but we pick up a new skill called Muay Thai, which is a kickboxing art from Thailand (high-five, and slam opponent to ground)
You will see your family a lot different now. You will understand why Mother acts so cruel to you with her fiery words, but it for your own good. Of course parents are keep putting pressure on you, they will help you grow. But I guess it is okay to go outside of what they plan you to be. (Hint : they will talk to you in getting into a state-owned corporation) Anyway, they actually want the best for you in the safest way possible, and you will disagree on some points. I think it is okay as long as you explain it to them nicely, and as you know... we have always failed on that :D
Nevertheless, always love them no matter what. Make them proud, some them what you worth for. Not as a civil servant or corporate slaves with financial security they want you to be... Okay, I want the financial security part, but... I believe there are many ways to go to Rome. We are just taking the road less taken. And I know that we are better than what we think are.
Sometimes, I am worried if I turn ballistic because of my ideals. I am afraid that I will turn into the most passive person on Earth and still be dependent on my parents (God Forbids) and I am scared that I will harm myself and others that are close to me. Okay as much as people tell us, in quotes inside movies, music, everywhere... They say failure is a way to success. But I guess, it is okay to be scared, but we should be unmotivated.
Speaking about the next 10 years... I really have no idea. It is up to me to build the future that I want in the next 10 years. So I am thinking stable financial, workin' in a field that I want, and a family. It might be a tough call for the woman in the future, but we will see. I want to see an independent woman with answers, at least, I want to live moderately maintaining what basic thing that I have achieved... love life and career...
Because right now my goal is to be happy, without seeing me as someone else who has partner or an office job. I want to try to live nothing on me, so that I learn to get to know myself. Because I have been mean to myself. I have never comfortable of being alone....
alright quoting Sarah Kay, from 1 to overtrusting, probably I am naive.
So I hope I have made you proud, and I know I am. Just you need to forgive yourself and stop being mean towards you.
You is awesome.
Oh, and you will find spoken word, and it is cool! You're going to be good in that... if you keep on writing!
The girl from the next 10 year.