(De)Constructed Monologue

P.S :  The content is not so comforting.  So if you just have a break up, a fight or having a PMS... this post is not for you and again, please read this with infinity of chillness.


That was probably the worst coffee shop seat I had ever been sitting on.  The edges of the wooden chair has printed mark on my skin.  I was cornered by heat for burning tip of cigarettes. And eye glare, seeking for a power socket.  And of a father who looked prime enough to have a conversation about toys to his son.  By a Japanese stranger who hid his mouth and clinging eyes with drags and drags of nicotine.  He might think that I did not notice the way he lingered. It was not my fault if my knee-length was hard enough to maintain.  The way the soft fabric draped and covered my tights.  But as I soon I get up it lift like a windblow. Leaving the most part of my legs bared. Gathering all filthy grins which I had never asked for.

This is why I think. We have had enough of coffee shop in every meter. Of selfish costumer who occupies seat for two. Of tall glass of coffee we can brew with our own skill which costs a full meal. Of their industrial interior in every corner and street. Of malls as the only meeting place for friends and loved ones.


Sometimes I worry of my transparency of language.  I am aware that I have been open to many people in my life and it makes me feel promiscuous.  Maybe promiscuous is not the right word. Maybe innocent is.  I have been told that I am too nice for a person.  Just because I am nice, it does not mean that I am stupid.  Maybe I was but I have learnt the lesson the hard way.  It also make me wonder, how are these people learning their lesson without making mistakes?  Are they actually learning or are they just enjoying pointing other's flaw only for their self-esteem?  But I have no way of telling a story without honesty.


I think it is OK to be cranky easily, if you can find happiness in many simple ways.  It is OK to be emotional.  You are the expert of making yourself happy and sad.  Because I myself am ashamed of my mood swing.  But there is nothing to be ashamed of if you take a look at the bold words.


Why do human play God?  Even though they claim to have a religion.  I am sad that sometimes God and religion are the scapegoat when someone is about to do hurtful things to other. Why do human chase perfection and force their egos like they matter much.  To be honest I really hate perfectionist.  They look stupid to me and I look stupid to them.  Because I am just loud and talentless human being and I do not need to earn their respects because these kind of people do not exist to me.  Like the way I never exist in their eyes.  You see, I think this world, our world will never be in peace.  War here and there.  I am still reading the rest of 1984... so there will be more to come pertaining this rant.


Nowadays, I like to wear attracting headdress like cat ears bandana and floral wreath.  Am I turning a bit expressive or a little crazy?  I am not sure either


Don't you feel that you are threatened by possessing a different thought?


I am about to board soon.  I am still sitting in lounge after I left that dreadful corner of smoking allowed coffeeshop. It is 30 minutes before the gate close and 10 minutes to get to the gate.  I do not want to miss the plane but it seems like the family behind me is probably heading to the same destination as I do.  Because they speak my mother tongue.


Talk soon.

(Monday, 18 May 2014.  18.17.  Soekarno Hatta Airport)


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