Come whatever may in May
Science fiction was dead on one May evening. When I watched a hero failed to save his loved one from falling off of the clock tower. I no longer find super fantasy appealing but only childish.
I was sitting in between two boys in the theater. We shared no word but watching uninterruptedly up to the credit roll. Maybe this is what I have missed. Spending my times with good boys, instead of wasting it with the bad ones. I like how composed they are. I like their silence. I like how very decisive and simple they are. There is no wait for hair and makeup, just go. Unlike girls (and some queer boys) who are loud and complicated. I am part loud and part silent.
And I am not sure how this post should be. I thought it is going to be a poem, hence the hanging first paragraph is sitting there in italics without no clear purpose of whatsoever. I might have said that. The moment I have been waiting for is finally here. Which is me, jumping inside a thick black water of life. I see it coming and I am trying my best to prepare myself. I am just happy that finally I can quit my job (even though, this post is written inside my cubicle where I am supposed to check on some confirmed artworks, but I just love trouble that's all. That is why I write rather than spending my rather free time in social media) and whatever next, is next.
I am just saying if there are any of you out there who might experience what I am experiencing right now. You are not alone. Feeling lost and exhausted is totally normal. Sometimes, I am so tired in a point where I do not have things to say and write anymore. Because I may have a conclusion myself after a problem, and I do not want to prolong or talk about it further with unnecessary purpose. Because I believe in saying things that matter. (And some girls, they will never get it, they just talk talk talk and rewind)
However, I feel that it is good for me to write and look at this post and remember how far I have been walking until here. And I cannot make it with parents, family and friends support.
My advice is to those young people out there, is congratulation. Especially when you are 22 year old and living in someone's else country with a job that contradicts with your interest. Congratulations because there are many 22 years old out there who might have been spending their parent's money on drugs and alcohol or being hedonist. I know we are all going to make it.
Do not listen to what everybody says. Instead be intelligent and challenge their thoughts. (Some queer guys will ask you to lose some weights, get a rich guy and push yourself to the top, but if what you want is a hippie life with many yoga sessions and herbal tea, that is fine)
Each of us are different. You might be born with a more comforting situation than others. But there are more people who are born in more or less fortunate condition than you. And please stop challenging yourself if you are having enough. Believe that you are no God. You are born with complex emotion and physical endurance. Again, learn that each one of us is different even though we are the same. Some might age according to their real age, might have the mentality of a child, some might have a wisdom beyond their age. Just embrace the progress. Forgive yourself and forgive others.
Like I said, I say things that matters. The rest think for yourself.
P.S : I don't really recommend Spider-man 2