Love hurts

Happy Saturday, people.

It has been a slow-paced day. Waking up at 10, downloading some music (extreme indie choices), and then I came across this cool show from MTV called "GirlCode." It is very hilarious. I am an instant follower and it makes me miss my girls so much. Last week, I attended my best friend graduation and it made me realise how many friend had been leaving this city for good, and that being said, I left with only me. It's always a brand new story and I hope I can cope, be socially-function even though I like being on my own and some friends leaving... Actually, sounds a tad bit scary.

But moveover,

Last week, two of my best friends had their heart broken by their boyfriends (or sort of). I was trying my best to relate to it. To be honest, I had never been in a relationship before, so I do not what it feels like. I certainly believe that there is a 13-year-old out there who is better than me at this. But I partly-understand the feeling, when you love someone, you are willing to do anything for them. For instance, the most intense feeling I have ever came across was having a giant crush towards a guy, and he had already driven me crazy. I felt very needy when I have not met that particular person every day, kind of wondering what he was doing, but you know since there is no attachment hence, I do not grow expectation. But when you are in relationship, you have to maintain communication. It is very tiring if you are going through this with the wrong kind of person. By all means, I support my girls to go through what they are going through now, I try my best to comfort them, but I have never expected that from their experiences I learn something to.

I am 21 and I do not know what I really want. Sometimes I think about enrolling in a Masters degree, or whether or not should I continue my job, or should I look around for  a bigger opportunity somewhere else, which one should I consider first, is love, career, money, education... I want many things.

I used to be so ignorant about boys, dating is something that I cannot comprehend... I could have careless about it. But now, it is a coming of age in which I feel needy about. I want a man, I want to be together with him. I do not how this neediness is shaped and it is frustrating. Is it driven by irritation that I get when I see some of my friends are having a serious committed relationship, or is it the matter of being lonely and I need someone to take care of me or is it a sexual desire. I do not know yet.

I can tell that if I am in a relationship right now, I would not be prepared. You know, I do feel pity myself for being single for so long . But now I know, I think I'd rather be single rather than being in a wrong relationship with a wrong person for a wrong reason. I am pretty close to feel how hurt it is. And I am 21, I still have many things ahead of me... and if you are young and feel the same way as I do, then you should chill too.


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