Where a home is...

(P/S : You have been warned. This post is highly hopeless-romantic)

Dear Earthlings,

I have been spending three-consecutive nights in my office, assisting my colleagues to finish a task. I stayed for a clerical job such as taking out printings from one office to another, stamping for client's approval, and very-mild proof readings. I did not have anything to complain. Only because, I basically did not have anything exciting or anywhere better to go since not only these last 3 nights but even since the last 6 months of starting my life as a young adult. Let's put it this way, I miss a place or something that I can call home.

Yes, it is such a cliche that we often find a lot in words and songs. When I first found such sentence, especially the ones which said something like "a person to be called home", I was like how can a person be a home? By all means, home is a building, a dead object... well that was me earlier back then, when I was very insensitive to words and a bit of a child. A year or two year later now I only got what it means.. and now, I feel it and I become very fond of the word "home"

Simply, I miss being excited to return to something. I remembered when I was in school, I would be thinking about going home like mostly all the time especially when I had a class that was torturously boring.

Now, it seems like I don't find home anywhere. Yes, I went back once in a while to my house in my hometown but even that, I cannot spend too many days. I do not have much to do at home so it is very passive and being that makes me not feeling rewarded and productive. I do not really meet my friends frequently, but that is none of mine or my friend's fault. They can be too busy and I am actually very flexible. Besides my family members are all around the country. Then I realise distance is a trouble, and maybe I might need to have something as super worthy as them, but I know it is far away long the road.

While here as I live alone, it seems like there is no pause. Getting up and sleeping a day or in another feels like a same day to me. I need a pit-stop to recharge, a pit stop to realise that my life is worth living and there is something out there I know that is worth-chasing for. I need a support because I cannot live my life alone. I admit I have things that I want to construct and do, and I need a person to cheer for me, and I will cheer for him too. We cheer to each other.

And I find this funny to say this, because I am only 20 yet I have been thinking this far. However, for a person like me, who is very shy and never concentrated on any type of romantic attraction... oh boy, this is a leap much forward. I scare myself too, or maybe is this only a temporary loneliness? I do not know. I guess I would not mind or even really appreciate if someone texts me and asks, "Hey how is it going?" , "Are you doing alright there?" that really means something. Because you do not know how many uncertainties that I have to deal with everyday, how tired I am to perform my daily routine. There is always one point when even a family, a best friend , cannot help... Of course I know, when all fail, I always believe in and pray to God even about this matter too. But isn't it nice to have an immortal, a human-being, who is born sensitive and fragile just like you who would listen?

Eventhough, I have no intention, no mention or even not a single small reason to quit my job, this country, or anything. I still want a person to talk to me, and even beg me--just like Joshua did to Hannah on previous Girls episode--and invite me to stay, wherever, ask me to runaway somewhere we can spend time together, permanently or temporarily, because they worry about me being here unattended. Just like a home, a person which makes your final destination as well as a place to rest.

I find that sweet.


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