Have a little faith

She doesn't usually write at dawn. To say, lately, it has been so hard to catch a mood for writing, either day or night. Then, she realized it was 6.30 and the day was not yet breaking. Dawn is certainly undefined hour, where the sky shows its mysterious hue. Sunlight sneaks into the dark like a beam of hope. There was something about it, and there was always something to write about.

It was Monday all of the sudden, and her absent colleague left her with no reminder of possible stack of works. So, she did not prepare herself for any scold that her boss was possibly going to give to her. She was aware by her mistakes, and she was trying so hard to cope with it. What she worried was that her future in the workplace. She did not want to get sacked. Of course, nobody did not want to sack her right away, but it was her, who just love to overthink everything.

Starting with this.

All of her friends are leaving town for semester break. Great. She was still in working probation, at least for another month, where would she go to gain support? Especially, during similar situation like this. Then, she was swiveling her chair looking depressed as ever.

She looked at her BlackBerry screen again, where she scrolled down some friends' chats which they left unread and unanswered. Then, there was one particular name of a person she dared to  look at. Oh dear, not him.

He was only a normal guy, who worked close to her. They met at a friend's house during a lunch break that she took not necessarily for lunch. She thought of him as an acquaintance. A new person that you were introduced to, whom you would not possibly greet when you met the second time, until they were the ones who greeted you first. To add, she is kind of an awkward person. That was until few days after, she felt something for him. 

She admitted that she did not fall for many guys, but when she did, she fell hard. She could say that there were only two guys she liked, whom she all met after high-school. You could assume that this girl had no experience, or whatsoever in a relationship. She was a nun. But she lived in a society that preserved you to be one. 

But this guy, unlike the first guy she liked, she felt something that she never had. She could not eat and sleep because all in her mind was him, him and him. What kind of madness is this? It is sure sweet as hell, when she told you the story of how they occasionally met. In bus or train, normally when the day had gone dark and sometimes, drizzling rain joined and teased their way home. It sounded like a scene in a movie, but for her, it was a torture. 

Within a week after meeting, she had embarrassed herself in front of him. Starting from the chats that were all of her intention. She started asking, "Hey, you left office yet?", an excuse to ask his day, that was the best she could come up with. It went all good as he replied along. He replied simple but she wanted more. She was afraid that he would lost interest in her. 

That was what her friends said to her over and over. They thought this girl, a relationship rookie, was being overreacting and overwhelmed because she might just fell for the first time. It was true but that did not mean she took it easy. She is an overthinker, and a dreamer. Unlike most of her friends that had been involved in many relationships, she believed in one and only true love. That was why she refused to find another guy. Why would she want to find another? Relationship was not her concentration anyway. In this case, she was fine to tag along and left at a loose end. So, she told them that she was going to fight for this. Then, incautiously, one day, she found out that he was on MC and started asking about how he was feeling like she was the one who cared. To top the sundae, she might as well ask him about his mother whom he said had an uncured illness with unnecessary worry. So, there she was, showering all to him without receiving anything in return.

She did not take warning, and the next few days they did not meet. It was all cool, she cheered herself. She could not look into his eyes anyway after the chats and everything. She needed time for herself and with the girls to recover.

And Monday topped her unreasonable worries. She thought of catching her friends to the airport, but her friend would be leaving in an hour and she would be still preparing to leave the office. She would not make it. Besides her Blackberry was running out of power and she did not bring her charger along. Genius. She was as well, thinking of making excuses to ask him to catch train together, because she just needed a friend to talk to. She noticed that he gave better advise than her girls when it comes to work. Maybe, because they both were in the same position, same junior paychecks, and same struggles. Those were the first reasons she fell for him. They share things in common, not like, favorite music, movie, and all that kind of craps. They share grown things.

For her, He is a fire that she wants to poke, eventhough it might burn her. Then, she begun to open the chat and typed his name on the chat column... then, she realized, her battery indication ran red now. What am I doing? 

Maybe, it was time to go home. She remembered, if it is meant to be, it is meant to be. So, she packed her bag, heart or whatever that left and exited the office 10 minutes late from the usual.

It took 2 trains and one bus to get home or one train and two busses. Trains made a fast journey but a bit costy while the bus trip made the other way around. She could not decide which were the best way to arrive home. Until, she chose, anything that travels me home the safest, so she hopped on the train.

Hopping from the first train to the second one, and quietly browsed for a face that she could not yet to find. She just braced for the worst. That was when the second train arrived and she climbed it very slowly. It was Monday and the evening was packed. As usual, the machinist would wait for other late guests to arrive. He left the train door opened in few more minutes.

Pff.. yeah right, like he is boarding this train as well. She said bitterly to herself.

That was when she swept her head to the left window. It was a big window glass. Then she saw, a man wearing an untucked shirt, backpack hung on his shoulder, and a pounding breath. He entered the next coach to hers.

There, she grinned.


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