Reality Bites 2.0

I do not know how to begin this. So here I am sitting alone, waiting for my flight to Palembang in Starbucks Terminal 2F. Next to me, is a friendly stranger whom I know is a tourist from Japan. Previously, a barista approached me and asked me to fill his research questionnaire. That got me thinking : what happens after the questionnaire is analysed; what happens next after the thesis is fully-bound and presented; what happens afterwards graduation;
Well, now I know where to start. 
I have been wanting to write or rant about my decision to my-three-day-stay at Jakarta. My purpose visit is to find a job. The decision was made out of the blue over a mamak chat with my friends. So, I decided to go onboard anyway, because fortunately I have secured an interview with an agency in Jakarta. To add, I was looking forward to be recruited by one of nation's giant broadcasting television channel as well.
Wait, I need to finish my panini and continue to rant.
Okay, I only managed to finish half loaf of panini, because I just can't help it. I am in desperate need to write, despite of, possibly--probably this is gonna left unread by none.
Possibly--Probably, those words explain my current mood and emotional status right now.
I am so confused. One minute I am very excited to 'take over' Jakarta. I-feel-like-having-my-own-Kardashian-takeover-show-excited, that kinda excitement. But, I think I have made my expectation way too high. Jakarta is unlike what I imagine it to be. As a tourist, I get used to how pack the roads are, but as people--people who work--fresh grad who needs to appreciate every possible opportunity and arrive on-time at interviews--this city just doesn't suit me. Before this, I was just getting excited and inspired by following Indonesia's most influential media players who are basically work in Jakarta, and I promise myself that someday I am going to be like them. But it turns out differently. I feel unappreciated and I feel like I need to define my reason to stay in the media industry.
One of my interviewers doubted me that I am gonna fit into the broadcasting industry and after he browsed through my portfolio, he said that I will likely be most welcomed in publishing and magazine industry. I don't blame him from saying that because it is most likely true. I love writing so much and my notable and recognizable works are mostly by short-story I made and published. But, the question is how my hobby can support me from surviving? Is this just temporary? If it is, I really have nothing to offer. Gosh, I really wish I could enroll at boring medical faculty or studying law instead, so that, I am graduated as professional and secure what is it that I have to support later on.
I am taking advertising, and I love to write, but hey, that's a talent which I believe everyone has. To put it roughly, those are not skills. Oh, okay, I just write that myself. I do not mean to condescend anyone, in fact, I am just getting bitter and sad because I concluded it myself.
This Jakarta-situation makes me think that I can not go back too soon to Indonesia, that I have to find a way to earn my living in Malaysia, which I certainly most agree and hope for.
There are  few of my Indonesian friends of mine or non-Malaysian friends of mine who have secured their jobs in KL, which honestly, I envy for. But, of course, there is no wonder. My friends who work in KL are those who are very determined and I wish I can join them too. I will join them. I will bust my ass off to find a work and secure working permit in Malaysia.
They say Indonesia and Malaysia usually have ongoing tension, but that doesn't affect my Malaysian friends and I.  I love Malaysia and I think I am well-adapted to KL instead of Jakarta, and I feel it is hard to adapt into another city. By another city, I mean Jakarta.
Last night I met with some of my HS friends, I realize we have grown into different way of thinking. One of my med student friend commented on my attempt to secure a job in JKT. "Ngapain kau sekolah jauh jauh kalau cuma kerja di Jakarta?" in translation. "Why are you coming all the way from overseas to secure a job in Jakarta?"
I know he meant it in a joke context--or probably, in a sarcasm, because I know he is kind of ambitious and success-oriented person, haha *wink* sorry If I caught you read this brother, but I admire you to have such kind of drive--but you know it got me thinking, unconfidently thinking.
People expectation will be higher and I know he is not the only one who will comment so, just wait until Lebaran day comes and see how many people will ask about my future plan. When they aware that I graduate from a well-known institution, there is certain standard that I have to maintain or earn. I am figuring that too.
But I hate the fact that people jump into conclusion, or so I think they do. I have skills and I am academically good. If I want to be a doctor/lawyer, so, can I, per say. I am not under qualified like what they think. However, I am not sure if I am good enough for KL/Singapore, here I am, in Jakarta I feel all of these. I feel like I don't belong anywhere, but, hey, I am trying to make my way out and you will see.
But these past three-days, there are things that I am thankful for.
I experience wandering around Kuningan street with formal wear, and it is too funny and very drama-like. I manage to submit my CV to one of Indonesia's English newspaper, which I dream to be working with :3 I get to meet my old friends, eventhough they teased me a lot... I don't mind :D I get to experience a very awkward situation like arriving in airport with a suitcase and all in a formal wear and with unprinted ticket reservation. I feel like a fiction character, haha, I bet few of people my ages experience that. I hope I can stay this busy for my job, because it's kinda cool, like Andy Sachs-busy-cool... lol I hope someday I can afford myself a economic Garuda ticket to home and a cup of starbucks and panini... I am ashamed to be a burden for my parents. I hope this will not last long, means, I hope I can be independent in a shortwhile.

Here I am in a scruffy looking flanel shirt. So many bule here *wink*
I don't know my mother would say about my look.
But I hope I don't have to go on board with a crying child
*knock on woods

Bye now, gotta find a good read and depart soon
Bye Jakarta :*


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